To Kiss or Not to Kiss: Blarney Castle

Blarney Castle, IrelandYou’ve heard the schtick. Visit Blarney! Kiss the Blarney Stone! Gain the gift of eloquence! But should you do it? To kiss, or not to kiss, that is the question. Whether ’tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous condemnation by friends and family who bagger you with the question: “So, did you kiss the Blarney stone or not?”  Or to take up arms against a sea of tourists who pay big bucks to participate in nothing but a huge tourist hype…and by opposing, end them.*

*With apologies to Shakespeare’s Hamlet for disheveling his famous soliloquy.

The ultimate choice is, of course, up to you. Finding myself wandering around the Blarney Castle one rainy July day, I felt almost obligated to kiss the Blarney stone. Not from some Lonely Planet “must-do tourist check-the-box” list, but from the fear of hearing it from the Irish portion of my family bloodline. Okay, I admit it. This was kind of a bucket list thing for me and I really wanted to do it. So I did, thank you very much.

Blarney Castle, Ireland

Climbing the ever-narrowing tower steps to the top of the castle was at least dry, even if it did rekindle my mild claustrophobia. Half the castle was blocked by a green-mesh coated scaffolding for the most recent (continuing) renovation. Once at the top I joined a line of like-minded tourists (um, explorers) waiting for their chance to be manhandled into a narrow crevice. I must have missed the memo on this part but to kiss the Blarney stone – technically just the inside of the outer wall of the castle – you have to lie on your back, dangle your upper body into a small cutout hole in the roof, and while hoping the grip of the attendant on your body doesn’t slip due to the rain, lean back and kiss the stone upside down and backwards. Seriously, it’s like yoga at 90 feet. To ensure you get the most of the experience, a few widely spread iron bars are the only thing between your sightline and the ground far below. Please don’t lose your grip on me, Mr. Attendant. Jus’ sayin’.

After safely climbing down the stairs in the opposite tower, I walked around the grounds a little. If you get a good day (it rained the entire week I was in Ireland), take the time to walk through the gardens and check out Rock Close, a small natural enclave on the castle property.

Blarney Castle, Ireland

Usually I pass on the obligate “official photo,” but this time I was with family and thought it might be a good keepsake despite the rather unflattering photo. Only later did I hear stories of locals peeing on the stone at night and laughing heartily at the rock-kissing tourists at the local pub. Worse, that the stone and the accompanying hole was once a medieval toilet.

Sorry, I have a sudden urge to gargle a bottle of Listerine. But hey, if you want to kiss the Blarney stone, by all means do it. I did. Now, where did I put that bottle?

David J. Kent is an avid science traveler and the author of Lincoln: The Man Who Saved America, in Barnes and Noble stores now. His previous books include Tesla: The Wizard of Electricity and Edison: The Inventor of the Modern World and two specialty e-books: Nikola Tesla: Renewable Energy Ahead of Its Time and Abraham Lincoln and Nikola Tesla: Connected by Fate.

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Dublin, Ireland…Molly Malone…and a Man in a Donkey Head

Top o’ the mornin’ to ya. By now everyone should have recovered from St. Paddy’s day.  Even President Obama downed a Guinness with his ancestral Irish cousin in Washington DC.  The “effects” of celebrating old St. Patrick should have worn off by now (right?) and we’re all gearing up for going back to work in the morning.

Which gets me to the man in the donkey head.  In Dublin.  As in Ireland.

Whilst in Dublin I first set my eyes on sweet Molly Malone as she wheeled her wheel-barrow, through streets broad and narrow, crying “cockles and mussels, alive, alive, oh.”* At first she seemed sweet, saccharine even, as she stood there nicely bronzed in the sun selling shellfish by the seashore.  We exchanged glances, smiles, and embarrassments before I moved on to check out the city.  My hotel was nearby so the next day I couldn’t resist her allure and was drawn to check out her massive cockles.  Only to find that she was being guarded by a man acting like an ass.

Or perhaps it was a donkey.  Needless to say it was a rather unexpected event to see a man wearing a donkey head sitting by my dear Molly.  Reading the Leopardstown Post racing news.  Seriously, who would have expected to see that?  Everyone knows that donkeys don’t like horse racing.

But here he was for all to see.  The man with the donkey head didn’t speak (I suppose donkeys rarely do), nor did he perform anything other than simply sit there for the entire time we stood by to watch and to snap photos.  Many others took photos as well and for a donkey-headed man he seemed quite patient to allow all of us to get our fill.

From here we moved on to explore Dublin.  But I’ll always remember Molly Malone.  And the man in the donkey head.

* From the song that inspired the legend that inspired the statue on Grafton Street, Dublin.

[Note that the Molly Malone statue has been moved from its original location on Grafton Street to a spot in front of St. Andrew’s Church.]

David J. Kent is the author of Tesla: The Wizard of Electricity and Edison: The Inventor of the Modern World (both Fall River Press). He has also written two e-books: Nikola Tesla: Renewable Energy Ahead of Its Time and Abraham Lincoln and Nikola Tesla: Connected by Fate. His next book, Lincoln: The Man Who Saved America, is scheduled for release in summer 2017.

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